She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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