girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
