what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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