ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
