I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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