I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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