no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
