I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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