I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
