Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
