Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
