my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
