So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize