i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
