I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
