You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
