I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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