I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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