as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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