just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize