I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
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