Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
