you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
