If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
