He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
