My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
