I cannot find my penis.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
