I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
