She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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