I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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