fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sorry about my life...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
