No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he shaved USA in his pubs
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
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