just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
