woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
