bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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