If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Houston, we have a squirter
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
