Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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