Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I need a beard to bite.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
