The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize