This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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