I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
