She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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