i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
