She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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