even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
