just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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