i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
