im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize