He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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