There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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