Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize