1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dicks are not precious.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
