Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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