If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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