Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
