Well douche your snatch and let's go!
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
