dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
