my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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