Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize