Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
