its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
