but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
