im gay
i know
yea but for you.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
