Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
