She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
