The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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