Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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