I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
