So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
