somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
