I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
