does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How does one acquire holy water?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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