Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
