Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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