Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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