he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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