yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
