Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
