Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
