Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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