i just made my gag reflex go away.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize