Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
