i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
