it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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