Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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