From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
