so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
