Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
