took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize