That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
