i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i wish my penis had a tongue
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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