Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
