forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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