nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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