i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
