So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Randomize
