just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
