So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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