Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
