I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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