gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
