out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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