Just fell off a train. Bad.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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