Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
