just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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