Got a toothbrush?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
