so that wasnt chicken after all
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
