defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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