The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
