The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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