Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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